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Just for fun / How to annoy someone on Instant Messenger and Email

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Instant Messenger / Skype IM:

 

Don't ask if they are free, jump straight in.

 

Expect an immediate response, if there is no response follow up with "are you there!????".

 

Ask non-urgent questions to interrupt them, having to wait for an email is not on.

 

Within seconds of sending an email, Skype them to say that you've sent them an email, enjoy the thought of them sitting there pressing the refresh button. Better still don't say what it's regarding so they have to look through all your emails working out which one.

 

On both IM and Email, always:

 

Use plenty of "!?", even better still "!???", the more the better.

 

Capitalise the bits you want to annoy someone with, better still a whole sentence.

 

Don't ask people's opinions, tell them the way it is.

 

Ensure to add a deadline without consulting with them if it’s possible, for best results make this the end of the day.

 

If someone suggests an idea, shoot it down by saying why part of it wouldn't work and ignore the other benefits.

 

If someone makes a mistake, bring that up as often as possible and try to find similar mistakes, it doesn’t matter if you’re unsure if you’ve found a similar issue, bring it up anyway, as you still have the original issue to fall back on.

 

Use words such as FRANKLY, HONESTLY, as you are not normally frank or honest.

 

FFS and "f@*k" always go down well.

 

Explain how many hours / days / weeks / months you have spent working on something, because your time is far more precious than others.

 

Send IM / Email when you are annoyed, somehow your annoyance will be transferred directly to the other person via the power of the internet.

 

Always repeat the same thing, or better still repeat in a different drawn out way, even better if its obvious and already known.

 

Don't follow up with a phonecall or god forbid a meeting, you might actually start to understand the other person’s point of view and they might understand yours.

 

Ensure to use abbreviations and acronyms without explaining the context.

 

Ensure to forward correspondence without saying what you want done with it / what you have done with it, so they have to reply back for context.

 

For extra 'grate' add their name to the end of the sentence, just like your teacher did.

 

Always refer back to your annoyance rather than putting measures in place to stop "it" happening again.

 

Reference an old email in an accusation, they will spend hours looking for said email to defend themselves.

 

Don't speak to the person directly if they are annoying you, go straight to your / their manager to vent. It's the managers job to ensure you work well with people after all.

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